Oh, hello July. Hello, 12 weeks into my new life in Denver. I think things here are finally starting to take. Amazingly, the immunoglobulin infusions are working! I have received three infusions so far, and my intestinal issues are entirely resolved. No more dehydration and malabsorption concerns, no more debilitating cramps all the time. It is amazing. My sinus infections are getting better, and although I still have a lot of gunk in my sinuses, I can breathe (almost) easily, and the headaches are gone.
All of this means, of course, that I have been running more. I also only have a bike here, so I have been biking and walking everywhere. Most Coloradans consider Denver to be pretty flat, and it is, but compared to Chicago, Denver has some pretty epic hills scattered about. I still struggle every time I have to climb the hill that I now live on, huffing and puffing on my mountain bike. The upside of this is that I am the slimmest I've been in maybe 8 years, and I'm in great shape.
The first two months I was living here, I was having a pretty difficult time adjusting to living on my own. I didn't question my decision to move, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do with myself. My living situation was not ideal for enjoying the city; my work situation was nowhere near what I wanted; and I was eating terribly so I had very little energy. I was also sick for those entire 8 weeks, so very little running and a whole lot of coughing. My poor roommate must have been so upset he ended up with the sick girl.
July 1, I moved out of my old, temporary apartment and into this beautiful, sunny and huge place right in downtown. My new roommate is fantastic for a number of different reasons, and while I still have the same, lame job, my life has gotten significantly better. I just feel more comfortable with where I am, although I am also still working out what on earth I'm supposed to be doing.
So I met this guy two nights ago, and he's awesome. Without sharing details, I basically put on my stupid-face and now I'm pretty certain I won't be hearing from him, ever. I spent yesterday in a foul mood because I had convinced myself that my actions had driven away this smart, funny, outdoor-oriented man. I went to work, and my apologies if I served you a latte yesterday; my head wasn't in the game. Then, this morning, the strangest thing happened. I went for a run, running a bit faster and a little farther than my prior runs. I zoned out, focused on trying to breathe and keeping my upper body loose. After the run, while enjoying a chai and endorphin rush, I realized that, whatever. So what if this guy never calls me back. It's his loss, and honestly, this is Denver. There are smart mountain bikers Every Where. Yes, I'm still a little angry at myself for my actions, but I walked back to my apartment (post-run) with my iced chai and a huge grin on my face because I am living and surviving on my own in Denver. I can run a speedy little 5K and feel great. Yeah, my job still sucks, but I am meeting some seriously cool people, and there is just too much awesome all around to spend any time worrying about a social setback.
I had dinner with a friend in Boulder the other night, and I told her that even if I am completely dissatisfied with my current work situation, and I'm struggling with the whole "go be social" thing, I find happiness in so many of the little things throughout my day. Frozen yogurt after climbing with people I've just met. A sparklingly clear day that shows off the snow still capping the highest of the mountains in the distance. A house I passed on my run that seriously looked like a tree house. Iced chai and a blueberry oat muffin after a run that three months ago, I couldn't finish.
Life is hard as hell. People will break your heart; situations will seemingly conspire against you for interminable periods of time. But time keeps moving forward. A good friend of mine is going through a really tough time right now, and I don't know if I helped at all or not, but I told him last night that my mantra for the past two years was that for better or worse, things will change. Whatever situation you currently find yourself in, it will eventually change. It's how I survived living at home with my parents for two years after college. I told myself: this is temporary. And it was. Here I am, living in Denver, trying to figure out survival as an adult as opposed to survival after cancer. Every day brings something amazing with it. You just have to look for the details and learn to appreciate them. As for you, guy who I doubt will become one of the people in my life, you seriously are very cool. But you are so not worth my stressing over.
Anyway. Ruminations resulting from my post-run clarity. Thanks for your indulging them (me). Running more, thinking less, loving life so much.