9 weeks.....

In nine short weeks, it will be the night before one of the most storied and historic road races in the country, if not the world.  The night before a race that covers 26.2 miles of western Massachusetts' rolling hills, passes countless universities, and ultimately ends in one of the most beautiful cities in the country.  The Boston Marathon is rapidly approaching, and I have an official charity entry to it.

I am 25 years old; I have been in remission from acute lymphocytic leukemia for five years; I have already completed one marathon.  And someone thought it would be a great idea to offer me a highly sought-after charity entry.  Someone believed I could train through the winter, log in the necessary miles, and show up in Boston in April physically, mentally and spiritually prepared to conquer this marathon.  They also believed my pledge that I could raise funds for this charity, an organization I so strongly support that I committed to doing something I still have no idea if I can do.

So there, then, is the crux of all of this: I have written before that I struggle hugely with self-doubt.  That hasn't gone away...  In fact, as the marathon approaches, my doubt is only growing.  Truth: I am not running nearly enough miles (I don't think).  Before today, I had only run Once in the past two and a half weeks, a run truncated by debilitating stomach cramps.  For whatever reason, the past three weeks have basically just sucked for my general intestine.  I don't know the cause of the issues, but I do know they have really been sidelining me.  None of this excuses me, and I am not trying to justify anything, but do know that it takes a Lot to bring me down.  I did finally see a GI doctor, and he recommended trying a few things to at least alleviate some of my symptoms.  We scheduled a super-fun colonoscopy next week though, so maybe, just maybe, we can get this figured out.  It was heartening though to finally meet with a doctor who was concerned about my weight loss and wants me healthy for this marathon.  (Yes, I've lost weight because I'm just not holding onto the calories I eat.)

Now that I've gotten all that out, the Good.  The good is that even though I didn't run the past two weeks, I haven't lost nearly as much of my fitness as I imagined.  Today, I laced up my bright green sneakers, pulled on shorts over my running tights, yanked on my toque, and headed out my door with the intention of covering 6 miles even if I had to run/walk them.  And I did!  I ran all 6 miles and at my normal pace, no less.  So, that's good.  I felt great, too.  No pain, no muscle fatigue, and relatively easy breathing.  Yes, I have not yet gotten in a good long run.  Yes, that is Hugely important and I kind of really need to get on that.  But yes, I may actually have a pretty solid base mileage, and I am actually in pretty good shape/fitness.  I am still fighting all the self-doubt, but I am done with letting it hold me back.  And also, I am Healthy (GIssues aside), which is beyond awesome.

On March 1 from 7-10 p.m., at the Bannock Street Garage in downtown Denver, I am hosting a fundraiser for First Descents and this marathon challenge.  Finally, the details are coming together for this event, and it is going to be a blast.  Stop by if you're in town!  My miles are accumulating; my fundraising is coming along; the sun is coming out from the clouds just in time for a stunning sunset over the mountains.  We all struggle with something, be it doubt or fear or uncertainty whether we can accomplish what we have set out to do.  The key, I think, is to stare down that emotion.  Acknowledge its presence, accept what it means in your life, then do whatever it takes to persevere and push past it.  Setbacks are an expected part of this life.  It is how we approach them and deal with them that matters.  So I am going to keep fundraising and keep running as far as I can even when I don't know how any of this is going to turn out.

Thanks for checking in; have a wonderful week!!  Running more and more and more....

Oh hello, blog!

Without making excuses for myself, I know I should be updating this more frequently.  Life, however, sometimes gets in the way, and the past two weeks have just been jam-packed with running, working, working some more, running a little bit more, and a decent amount of socializing.  Hooray!  Life.  If you find yourself jonesing for that Caroline-fix though, you can always follow me on twitter: @cc_bridges.  How's that for a shameless plug?

So I haven't actually been running as much as I would like.  Without grossing anyone out too much, I have been having some gnarly intestinal/digestion issues, and they are seriously detracting from my desire to pound out the miles.  I am struggling with what to eat that won't give me crazy stomach cramps, especially what to eat before I go for a run.  For my mid-week runs, which aren't that long and typically in the morning, I seem to be okay with water and an energy gel right before I head out.  The difficulties lie with the long runs, for which I need more energy (calories...).  When and what should I eat to be properly fueled without having to run to a bathroom after 40 minutes?  This weekend should be an interesting test: I am supposed to run 8 miles, my longest run yet in this training regime.  I didn't think I could run six miles straight a few weeks ago, but I somehow did.  I don't know if I'll get eight miles straight, but we'll see what happens.  I've read a bit about visualization and the idea that if you picture your run and picture yourself killing it, it will go well.  So I am trying to visualize eight miles, picturing pushing past that six-mile limit I have so far reached.  Again, we'll see how it all ends up.

What defines a "runner?"  Is it your speed, the distance you can run, your body fat percentage?  Or is it something more fundamental than that, a less quantifiable knowledge or belief in this certain activity?  Possibly it is different for everyone and so not fairly definable.  I have always sort of considered myself a runner, even when I was sick or in the ensuing years when I wasn't running regularly.  It seems to be a key factor in my happiness, in my general acceptance of the daily trials that naturally arise in our lives.  Yesterday, I went in to work having slept over nine hours and eaten a healthy, satisfying breakfast.  Yet, something was noticeably off, and one of my coworkers asked if I was okay.  I thought about it and realized that, actually, I felt like a slug, sort of merely pushing through the air, going through the motions.  I wasn't fully present.  And I realized that it was most likely because I hadn't run earlier in the morning.  My body hadn't been jump-started into life with a run in sub-freezing temperatures, greeted by the sunrise.  My endorphins remained dormant and my energy levels just weren't what they normally are.

Even this morning, I struggled to push myself out the door knowing how warm my apartment was.  I actually cut my run short by about half a mile because I had reached my coffee shop and was pretty cold.  But I still chugged out those four miles in 20-degrees and unlimited early-morning sunshine, and I feel so different this morning, so much more alert and functional.  So, I guess that's what makes me a runner: on the days I don't run, I just don't feel like myself.  In fact, I feel terrible.  I may not be the most hardcore (just look at my diet...), but my heart is fully in it.  If you define yourself as a runner, why and how?  I'd like to know!

Thanks so much for stopping by, and happy weekend to all!  Thinking less, running more...

Health issues

Not just a class some of us took in high school, this is also a topic very near and dear to my heart.  For the past year and a half, I have been suffering from some chronic and pretty weird lower intestinal issues.  I have seen Eight different doctors to try and figure this thing out, to no avail.  I went gluten-free for about three weeks, which only made my running self hungry and cranky.  Dropped sugar-free gum from my diet; periodically went caffeine-free; could never quite cut out dairy.  At this point, I am fairly certain the problem isn't dietary.

Today I met with a new doctor, a gastroenterologist at the University of Chicago Hospitals.  Her initial thoughts are that my intestinal problems are a manifestation of a severely low number of a certain type of infection-fighting cell in my bloodstream.  My intestinal flora are all awry!  A few years ago I was administered a drug (another story for another time) that targets a certain type of B-cell and destroys it.  While tremendously necessary and exciting for me at the time, this doctor thinks that one of the long-term side effects of this drug is a lowered immune response.  Fewer B-cells floating around in me means fewer immunoglobulins to battle infections and maintain the happy little gut bacteria who keep me regular...  (I'm over bodily functions, so you know.)  So she's doing more tests, checking my blood, trying to figure out what exactly we are looking at and where to go from here.

The point of this is that she mentioned there is a strong possibility I am deficient in some very necessary vitamins and minerals.  If my intestines aren't working properly, then it is likely I haven't been absorbing nutrients well, which is not great news.  I probably should, but I do not take a multivitamin, although I recently started taking a probiotic.  I am curious though: if my blood work shows a significant deficiency in some vital nutrient and I start taking a supplement, will I feel better overall?  Will my mood improve or my general feelings of exhaustion diminish?  Will caffeine no longer be the crutch on which I lean heavily to get me through my mornings?  Will my running be stronger and faster and less injured because, finally, my bones are strong and my blood is healthy?

I don't know.  Perhaps I'll find out.  At the very least, I hope my gut one day stops grumbling at me and returns to its delicate balance of proper digestion.  Come on, good bacteria!

Oh yeah, and my race is in 60 hours.  Woah...