Yesterday I had the run I had hoped for on Friday. 4.2 miles after work on a brisk November afternoon with clouds scudding across the sky and the wind cutting over the mountains but not into my new cold-weather running shirt. My breathing was easy and my legs weren't hurting at all. My muscles were a tad sore later in the afternoon, but after a dinner of sockeye salmon and roasted vegetables, I felt good to go all over again. Today was my so-called rest day, which involved work in the morning and football and beer in the afternoon. I'd say it was a successful rest day, although I certainly could have eaten better. Soon enough, I'll be heading to bed for hopefully some good sleeps.
Tomorrow, the week starts all over again. Here is my question to myself: will I be able to get out of bed and run again in the morning? The only way to get better is to keep trying, keep pushing myself. Historically, though, I have had a hard time pushing myself into and through difficult situations. No, really! With few exceptions, notably ones involving poetry analyses and photo opportunities, I have tended towards the easy road. Even with the Chicago Marathon, I could have trained harder, tried harder and maybe finished in less pain. I want this so badly, but it is going to be So Hard. Everything is important - staying healthy; stretching properly; the amount of sleep I get; properly fueling myself; maintaining a level of confidence in myself; believing this is possible.
Believe in the possibility that this will all work out the way it is supposed to... I can't afford to doubt myself, but there are many weeks ahead and many early mornings and long slogs through possibly not-so-sunny afternoons. I am full of uncertainty and candied pecans (thanks to my roommate...) and life may still amaze me every day but it isn't great right now. Tomorrow brings with it so much potential. Basically, this post is just to throw it all out there that I am so terribly human, and this is one hell of a difficult task I've given myself. But it will all be worth it, in the end, if I can make it happen.
Best of luck with your tomorrows. Hopefully you can find something to look forward to... I work at a coffee shop and like to ask my customers while they're waiting for me to finish their delicious beverage: What are you looking forward to today? Most people don't consider that question on their own; I truly like to know and to get people thinking about something awesome in their lives. Everyone has something awesome to look forward to, even if it's only sitting for 10 minutes with a chai and some good music. So. Figure out what you've got to look forward to tomorrow or today or whenever. Good luck. We all need it.