Right now, I am plopped in front of the window in the front room of my house, looking at the yellowed grass and blearily uniform gray sky. It is close to 50 degrees outside, but it is also terribly damp and weirdly chilly. Instead of lacing up my new Nikes and pulling on some short running pants or long running shorts (depending), I am nursing four shots of espresso laced with nonfat milk and cinnamon-y sugar.
It is finally the first week of March and I have not blogged as much as I would like, and I have run even less. My 30 kilometre road race is in 23 days. Only recently have I accepted that I probably shouldn't have signed up for it, that I do not have the mental fortitude to train through the winter. I just can. not. get. off. my. ass. I both am and am not making excuses for being unprepared for this run. Clearly, mine are lame excuses, but they are also explanations. It is a fact that I get severely down during the winter. And this winter, we have had so little sunlight, so few truly beautiful days. I know and admire and am (truthfully) a little jealous of my friends who remain functional all 12 months of the year. The key for me, then, is to accept that I am not one of those people and not let myself feel too guilty about it. It isn't like I stopped running altogether; I just ran less and at later times in the day. There was no chance of finding me awake and eager to run 12 miles at 6 a.m. Perhaps it is SADness; maybe it is just the lack of intellectual stimuli in most aspects of my life these past few months.
But it is finally March. I can actually hear some birds outside right now who had been wintering down south.
And I do still have a race to run in 23 days; I am not going to bail. I am going to do what I can between now and then, and then I am just going to enjoy myself on March 27. (Unless it is 35 degrees and raining, then, yes, I will be bailing.) There are very, very few constants in this world. People, beliefs, seasons, everything changes. This time in my life, too, will pass. This winter, these suburbs, this unmotivated blob I have become... I am changing everything.
In two months, I am moving to Denver. No idea what I will do with myself once there, but it is a change. It is a giant leap into the unknown world of self-reliance and growing up. I think I am even going to sign up for the Denver Marathon (October 9...!) because I want to keep growing, and I need to have established goals. May 1: move. October 9: run. In between: Live Fully. (and if anyone knows of any job openings in and/or around Denver, please let me know! Hooray!) Plus it will give me something fun to blog about.
So. Running. Thinking. Making it happen.